Ten Things that I Won’t Miss About Having Little Kids

Written by: Andrea Angileri

Don’t get me wrong….one day I’ll cry over their photo albums with a good bottle of wine like the rest of you…but for now they are under my roof and up in my face.  Here are ‘Ten Things that I Won’t Miss About Having Little Kids”.  Don’t worry…it will be followed by a ‘Ten Things that I WILL Miss About Having Little Kids”.

1.  MAKING MY DAUGHTER FACEPLANT IN THE DRIVEWAY AND OTHER PARENTING FAILS.   This is a title to a different blog post where I will elaborate on this.  Basically, it’s the real possibility and fear that we can cause our kids to get hurt.  It will be conjured every time we get in the car, watch the news, or read the paper.  Now let me move on before I start rehashing a particular Oprah episode and make us all cry.
2. SUPERVISING EVERYTHING.  Baths, toilet paper rationing, kids on stools, kids with markers, kids with scissors…you get it…hanging out in your watchtower with eyes in the back of your head to avoid chaos and disorder.
3. CAILLOU AND OTHER ANNOYING ANIMATION.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been known to order a Netflix kid flick or two solely because I wanted to watch it.  I will enjoy ‘The Lorax’ and cry at ‘Up’, laugh at SpongeBob, and make my kids watch old Disney and Warner Brothers cartoons because they let me reminisce about my childhood.  My husband thinks my daughter is just imitating Caillou when she whines about something.  If he is sitting with me when my kids are watching cartoons we usually just mock and poke fun with our inappropriately dark humor.  We should probably just be taking pointers on patience from his parents.  See…look…Caillou’s dad is taking him on a bike ride….maybe we should turn this stupid T.V. off and go out and buy some grown up bikes and do the same thing….or maybe sit and snuggle and let the colorful shapes blur and blend on the screen.
4. I DIDN’T MAKE THAT MESS.  We all know that my house hates me.  It makes messes after I’ve cleaned it and the clutter slithers around….I’m beginning to think the kids have something to do with it.
5. WHY ARE WE TALKING SO LOUD?  Kids are loud.  I mean I wasn’t….I’m pretty sure people considered using sign language after hanging out with me for a while…but my kids are loud.  The youngest has pretty much learned that she needs to be louder than everybody else to capture full attention which results in, “Blah…blah..blah…blah…OOOOKKKKKK?!!!!”
6. BODILY FLUIDS AND POTTY ISSUES.  Wiping snot, vomit, pee, and poop are just part of the gig.  Potty training is punishment for enjoying the first 2 years of your child’s life.  I’m glad that is over.  I am still working on toilet paper efficiency,  however.  In fact, this blurb is really inspired by the fact that I just had to plunge a toilet.  I’m pretty sure that I have never had to plunge a toilet because of my own doing.  In fact….I don’t even USE the bathroom.  I have been famously known to not go for close to a week…o.k.  not famously until now and not funny I should speed dial the doctor.