7. SHIELDING THEM INAPPROPRIATE MEDIA. Right now I have left the kids upstairs to play listening to ‘MTV Party to Go Volume 2’ and Salt and Pepa’s ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ is blaring. Oops. Inappropriate media will be lurking on YouTube, available in the boys’ room on Xbox’s late night Netflix, and skimmed through on the radio.
8. BEING INTERRUPTED. Now, to be honest, I’m not really much of a conversationalist. I can go all day without talking if I really had to, but I do need to make the occasional phone call, desperate catching up with friend and/or loved one, or just proof that I have a pulse. I would love to get that ‘Recording for assurance and quality’ that all the businesses offer for my own entertainment. You will hear my kids in the background, muffed ‘Be Quiet I’m on the Phone!’ s and other laughable moments. Whether it’s talking, doing, or thinking, young children will exasperate my already A.D.D-like tendencies to an all time high.
9. SCHOOL PICK UP AND DROP OFFS. I’ll admit, there is something heart-warming about seeing my school ager wave to me with a hopeful smile and clomp away with his backpack, the preschooler who flags his latest art project at me, and even my middle schooler who barely makes eye-contact when I say, “Have a good day…See you at 3!”….but school pick up and drop offs kinda suck. Despite having to scrape windows, pack lunches, brush teeth and waiting for the one who’s poking around in the bathroom, we’ve been doing an awesome job getting to school on time…..I should be given a large cash prize for this. But wait…in a few hours it will be time for the preschooler. I will remind him not to eat lunch so he can eat at school and break away from whatever home activity we are doing to take him. I will have to get the younger sister out of the car, go into the school, sign him in, and leave. Maybe we will lag around the playground until I get chased away by the recess chaperones. Clearly…I am a strange woman who is a threat to other small children. Then I will go home with a younger child who takes naps in my wildest dreams. We will get back in the car to pick up one child…wait 10 minutes for the next one…wait 35 minutes for the last one…and return home to barge into the house like large bears looking for a pot of honey. Some years I’ve included other innocent children into these routines….some days I’ve entrusted other adults to take on these duties while I am at work….some days I don’t wish a large yellow bus came to my corner to do it all for me.
10. HIDING COOKIES. Not too long ago I resorted to hiding Pepperidge Farm Sausalito cookies in my underwear drawer. Obviously my daughter, who was trying on my socks, found them. I don’t like that when I allow sweets into the house it immediately turns into crack and my children turn into junkies. I am a little irritated that there is no pop in the house and the only thing I can have to myself is the wine. I’m sure the healthier eating habits would be wonderful and we would all eat the same balanced meals consistently if I was Caillou’s mom.
So…there they are all ten reasons. I will probably cut this into two parts because as my husband noted on the ‘Skinny on the Skinny’ post…it got a bit too long….and some of you might lose interest. Reminder to self: Write a post about my husband soon.