I wrote this awhile back for the sheer purpose of the $1200 prize and notoriety…neither of which would surface.  There might be a bit of ‘pre-employment’ angst in it.

       

  Having it “All” by Andrea Angileri

We all have heard the expression, many hope to have it, some even have an idea about what ‘it’ even means, and few can say that they have ‘it’ without a loophole pointed out by another.   When we say we have ‘it all’….what exactly is ‘all’?     One definition, found in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary,  defines ‘all’ as “greatest possible”.  What might this look like?  The “greatest possible” (for a mom) might mean a having a well-adjusted, nice looking, healthy, financially secure family, with one or more members who have a rewarding career ( lucrative enough that you are able to provide the essentials and then some for your family, but not so stressful that you still can’t come home by dinner with a smile on your face, ready to spend quality time with the family).  Children who like to clean up, have their hair brushed, listen, and donate to charities…naturally.  A father who says all the right things at all the right times, who is a hands-on provider.  A mother who cooks gourmet, cleans for fun, and manages to remember every appointment, game, family function, while looking awesome in the process….perfection!  A couple who has ‘date night’, are spontaneous, and constantly provide the ‘greatest possible’ role models to their children by being patient, loving, understanding, and…well…perfect. 

 Just typing this definition of ‘having it all’ has exhausted me.  No, I can’t say that by that definition I have the perfect life, but I can say that ‘Having it all’ is subjective.

            To me ‘Having it all’ means having the ‘greatest possible’ alright…but not what you might think.  ‘Having it all’ means that you have the ‘greatest possible’ outlook on what your particular situation is.  You understand that to some degree you will fall short, and that your life is not about making everybody continuously happy, but providing a respectable compromise towards family contentment.  With ‘having it all’ you know that circumstances change… babies are born, jobs are lost, relationships change, children grow,  bills are in the mailbox (O.k…maybe not everything changes).  ‘Having it all’ means having a sense of humor just as good as your sense of direction (Life direction…G.P.S takes care of the alternative ladies..and gentlemen).   As I sit here…alone…(in my two year old daughters room because they think that I am still out running errands)…I realize that I do have the ‘greatest possible’ for now.  I am a mother to four children, married for almost 13 years.  I work part-time (though this could be an euphemism for being ‘under-employed’), which allows me to do the ‘mom’ things that need to be done.  Children are taken to school, picked up, meals are served, homework is done, and the house is still standing.    As time passes, my idea of ‘having it all’ will change.   Now, I must go….emerge from the ‘pretty princess’ room to reveal myself to my family, so we can complete our ‘greatest possible’ Sunday afternoon together…and hope to live ‘happily ever after’. 

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from ‘Dumbo’

Written by: Andrea Angileri

One of my daughter’s favorites at the present moment is 1941 Disney flick ‘Dumbo’.  One of my childhood faves, it’s not hard to see why.  Here are some lessons to learn from ‘Dumbo’.  Disclaimer: Obviously the images are all from Google and even more obvious the list will go from sentimental to sarcastic humor.

1.  It’s Not All About Being a Princess.  Dumbo is not about being a princess or being in love or meeting Mr. Right.  It gets away from that, which is just fine for little girls.  It’s about learning to love and embrace what is different from you and learn to let it work for you.

1. We’re All Different and That’s O.K.  If you replace Dumbo as a child with special needs you will instantly begin to tear up.  Here is an elephant who just happens to be born into a circus family.  He didn’t ask for it.  On top of this, he has these HUGE ears.  I’m pretty sure that if I was born into a circus family I would be just as effective as an elephant with big ears too.  The movie teaches that if you are born different, you will probably get teased, but if you hold on you will find your ‘hidden’ talent.

1. Babies Come From Storks.  END OF STORY!

1. Your Best Friend Should be Your Strongest Supporter.  Mice make good friends…and even better agents.   Timothy the mouse was an awesome friend to Dumbo, always encouraging him.  He was an even better agent, the scene where he goes into the circus leaders sleeping tent to whisper ideas into his head is above and beyond typical agent work.  Timothy works it for true friendship and his 20% cut.

1. Stay Away From Clowns. Clowns spike their booze with hallucinating drugs.  Timothy the mouse and Dumbo accidentally slurp up some water tainted with clown booze and soon see pink elephants in their bubbles that will blend to plaid and other trippy images.  This scene will be chopped and edited to reuse in Winnie the Pooh later.  Timothy and Dumbo end up in a tree after all the shenanigans of the night, also proving that mice and elephant can’t handle their hallucinating drug tainted booze.

1. A Mother’s Love Overrules All.  Dumbo’s mom was the best.  She very quickly embraced Dumbo, wrapped him up in his big ears, and didn’t take any sh*t from the other lady elephants.  Her temper would eventually land her in jail in the saddest ‘Baby Mine’ rendition ever. 

1. Sometimes Parents are Separated from their Young.  Again, the saddest scene from Dumbo is the jail scene with Dumbo and his mom.  It was the first blatant cartoon moment that I remember seeing a mother being incarcerated.  Disney doesn’t let up with the absent mother theme, which is why I was in tears only 5 minutes into ‘Finding Nemo’.  For some children, a temporary or permanent loss of a parent is a very real thing.

1. Pick Mates that Complement You.   Every shy kid needs a loud and bossy friend.  Timothy the mouse was a very ‘up in your face’ kind of character.  Though he was the smallest creature in the film, representing something that elephants are afraid of, he really was the ‘voice’ for Dumbo.  He proves that shy big eared elephant kids shouldn’t be afraid of their little bossy mousy friends.  

1. Jazz really gets you moving.  I’m still not sure if representing a black jazz band as crows is not the most racist idea ever, but we must remember that this movie was set in the early 40’s.  The ‘When I See an Elephant Fly’ tune is extremely catchy.

10. Don’t Use Booze or Magic or anything else as a Crutch.  Dumbo and Timothy might  have thought the power of booze got them to fly.  Dumbo later held onto this black feather thinking                that it had special powers.  They only needed to rely on Dumbo’s natural talents.

It’s Bacon..Get Over It!

Written by: Andrea Angileri

It’s been awhile since this whole ‘Bacon Craze’ has been going on and I’ve humored it for long enough.   Truth is America…We’re just getting stupid about bacon.  I mean…bacon is great…don’t get me wrong but the products that are coming out are starting to cross the line.  I’m not even talking about the bacon flavored food.  I’m talking about novelty items like these:

I mean…’customer favorite’…really?  People are all snuggling up with their bacon throws and pillows and throwing on their bacon scarves before they tackle a cold day.  What is happening to us?  There is also the ‘bacon bra’, which when I Google images I see greasy uncooked bacon strips on breasts.  It sounds like a good way to food poison your lover.

What about before the fact.  The ‘came from a pig’ part.  Think about how degrading the word ‘pig’ is.  Men are pigs!  He’s a chauvinistic pig!  What a sloppy pig you are!  There goes that ‘pig’ cop!  Now kill the animal and cook it up?  ALL HAIL BACON!

Turkey gets the love for Thanksgiving.  Steaks get summer time thumbs up. Fish is ‘brain’ food.  We are all just too busy figuring out ways to cook chicken.  Ham?  Just gets taken for granted.

Again, let me clarify, I do eat bacon.  I like the way you can walk into a house at 5:00 p.m. and ask, “Did you cook bacon for breakfast?  It’s a great house fragrance.  My husband and I have different ‘bacon’ styles.  I like mine a little soft and bendy, I like to chew on things a bit….whereas my husband likes things crisp, and doesn’t let up until the kitchen is full of hot steam.  I have also accurately described our ‘parenting style’ differences.

I wasted enough of my breath on bacon.   I’ll still dish out the extra 50 cents to a dollar to throw it on cheeseburgers, but regretfully I have no plans to strap on or snuggle with anything that looks like it.

Written by Andrea Angileri

1. “ Black ink is low”
2. “Your account is overdrawn”
3.  “Ran out of milk” (coffee, diapers, etc.)
4. “Where are the keys?” (wipes, papers, etc.)   
5. “Your tire is flat”
6. “Card can’t be read”
7. “Please see the attendant”
8. “You hit reply all?”
9. “The toilet is clogged”
10. “The baby’s not yours”

Feel free to add your own…..