“I Think You Like Cleaning the Bathroom” and Other Stupid Things Couples Say to Each Other
Written by: Andrea Angileri
It was one late afternoon in the ‘crap’ room that he said it. The ‘crap’ room is the extra room in our house that I am fumbling to make into an office/play area. It lacks what they call ‘a vision’ and what others might consider ‘adequate floor space’ (See ‘I’m a Tree Killer..and the Lorax is Pissed’ for more info). This room has paralyzed my husband for years. When we first got married it was a quaint little room for my Raggedy Ann doll collection. Later, it became Dom’s nursery. Eventually it would hold all three boys and their belongings until we refinished the basement. Then it would be an abandoned, cluttered play storage area, with a bed in case ‘Oscar the Grouch’ needed to get out of his garbage can to stretch his legs a bit. Side note: This sarcastic trash lover was my childhood favorite. Alas, the office/ play room hybrid.
“You have never been able to help me with this room”, I point out to my husband who is standing with his arms crossed and hovering around pointlessly.
“I don’t know where to start”, he replies. “I think you like cleaning the bathroom”.
“Step away slowly so I don’t divorce you”, I retort. “Why do you think I would actually enjoy cleaning the bathroom?”
“Because they are the smallest rooms in the house.”
Clearly, my husband doesn’t know me at all. When I clean the bathroom, I resemble a Crawford. Though I would love to say Cindy with her signature wavy hair, mole, red-lipstick, and super model appearance…it leans more towards a cold-creamed, white head band, infuriated Joan, or whimpering Christina spreading with a scrub brush a combination of Comet and tears. I hate cleaning the bathroom.
One of the reasons I dislike cleaning the bathroom, besides the fact that I’ve gone through 10 years of ‘badly aimed’ pee and toothpaste, is because they ARE the smallest rooms in the house. I literally am bumping into walls trying to clean this small poor excuse for a half bath crevice and the upstairs full is more like a 3/4. The vanities are small enough to hold nothing but lots of reoccurring germs. Just the thought almost grosses me out enough to make me log off and go clean them. Boy, am I funny. Another irk is that the moment I decide to clean the toilet, the whole families bowels twitch.
My husband then makes a jab about the kitchen. I admit, he’s really good at detailing the kitchen and also that he’s not entirely wrong when he says he thinks I don’t like cleaning that much either. Basically, the reason I don’t like cleaning the kitchen is because it never ends. There have been times when I have thought, “If I have to load this dishwasher up one more time today I am going to go ape sh#t!” “Oh….you loaded all the extra pots and pans in the oven?…Well guess what sucker? It’s already time for dinner and the kids want a pizza…so pull that crap back out and preheat!” And the floors? They are this torturous ‘off white’, everything shows up ceramic type. Mopping at anytime of the day besides the middle of the night is just encouraging multiple slips by each member of the family. I have a nice little mental picture that goes with that. Well, no joke…I really need to clean the kitchen before the hubby comes home with $300 worth of groceries with no counter space to put it. Much more time to talk about stupid things couples say next time.
Time to share: What is your LEAST favorite household to-do and why?