Karaoke……FAIL!

Written by: Andrea Angileri

This could really be one of a series and include titles like ‘Parenting…FAIL!’,  ‘Timeshare…FAIL!’, or ‘Compassionate Wife….FAIL!’, ‘Crock Pot…FAIL!’, etc. etc. , but for now we are looking at the art of karaoke combined with the art of unsuccessfully surprising someone with news of a firstborn baby.  The story of how I told my husband I was pregnant for our first born.

Karaoke was popular in the late 1990’s, since American Idol would not come out until 2002, this was way before people who sang karaoke cared about what Simon Cowell audience members at the local pub would think.  Karaoke was something for pure entertainment enjoyed by the tone deaf and future Kelly Clarkson’s in all of us.  If you’ve sang karaoke before you understand how someone can go from ‘Hell no, I’m not going up there to sing’ to ‘Let’s go back and do another one!’

Another thing that was popular in the late 1990’s were very ‘poppy’ Country songs….think Shania Twain, Dixie Chicks, maybe even Garth….you got it.  I blame the commute to college with a country music fan, but no complaints…I had even succumbed to ‘gon’ country’.   Country songs go as nicely with karaoke as my coffee goes with my Zen.

I decided to take Shania Twain’s lyrics to ‘No One Needs To Know’ and switch them up.  I know…it’s not ‘Man, I Feel Like a Woman’…so you probably have never heard of it.  Anyways, instead of saying, “I’m not dreamin’ or stupid’…but boy I’ve been hit by cupid”…I’d  say “I’m not dreamin’ or stupid’…but Joe guess what I’m pregnant!”.   It could be BRILLIANT!  It would satisfy my occasional obsession with doing things creatively and ‘p-e-r-f-e-c-t-l-y’.

My turn was up and I put on my best extremely mediocre karaoke performance and got to the line and NAILED it!  I came off the stage and saw Joe blankly smiling at me….The problem?….  Joe didn’t hear me…in fact, he misunderstood what I said.  He thought I said, “Joe..I’m going to give you a backhand!”.  A backhand?   What? Why would I take this moment to announce I wanted to slap my husband?  We were only newlyweds.

The table next to ours did hear me and were excited for me, these unknown ladies that I would later see ironically in different places and reshare the event in later months.     I reiterated the happy ‘baby’ news and we were all happy, I would go on to have a wonderful pregnancy, give a long but happy birth to a son and have three more babies down the road.  I would do the ‘I’m going to be a big brother’ unpeeling sticker details on a shirt, the ‘Oh look an ultrasound’ surprise approach, even a cake that said ‘We Found Out’ with baby décor.  What a weirdo.  But I know that I am not alone, we women want the ‘perfect’ proposal, the ‘perfect’ way to announce something.  We women are constantly setting ourselves up for bitter disappointment and watch too many damn romantic comedies.

Have any perfectly planned FAILS that you want to share?