The Hardest Big Game to Hunt

In October, I was very blessed to find an ideal job for me.  It is part-time and flexible, and suits me to a T.  I remember this time of job hunt angst. Ugh…. 

 

 

The Hardest Big Game to Hunt

 

Hunters seem to disagree on what is the most difficult, dangerous big game to hunt.  Some say it’s buffalo, others say the black rhino, still others the boar, perhaps the lion.  But from my experience the hardest big game to hunt is…the job.   Ten years ago, I would apply for a job, get a call, do a quick interview and be thrown my apron, roster, nametag, what have you, to start Monday.   Now, I know about the economy…and I’m not here to discuss politics…I’m sure God loves both the candidates.  I’m sure I lost a few of you there, but for those who keep reading let’s talk more.

Since July I have for applied for an approximate 50 jobs, give or take 20.  Now, I love my RVC teaching position, my 1-2x a month YWCA trainings, my occasional advising job, my ‘as needed’ daycare gig, my student loan earnings, even the extremely low paying (though rewarding) job of being  a mother of 4 and wife…..but my ‘woman’ made debt requires a wee bit more.   

Upon my hunt, I have pursued every animal in the field.  I’ve applied for academic, sales, retail, restaurant, medical.  When AppleBee’s never called back I even double checked that a past boss didn’t blacklist me from waitressing.   Heck, even the ‘Family Video’ store requires a ‘fun and outgoing’ personality…really?  What happened to just showing up on time to get a job.  Now you need a dazzling personality to recommend romantic comedies?  I suppose the human interaction must compete with the non-human interaction service of Netflix and Redbox .  Did I mention I am an avid Netflixer?

I had my 1,000th background and fingerprint check to be put on the sub list.  The maximum district sections I could chose was 12, so if you live in Boone, Winnebago, Rockton, Harlem, Roscoe, or S. Beloit and your child reports that they ‘had a sub that didn’t know what the hell they were doing’….it’s was probably me.

There were 3 interviews. For the first interview,  I positioned my bow a little low, fired my overqualifications, and missed.  For the second one, I put in that ammo with all my credentials… I cocked the gun with my best interview  answers… I fired  my ‘dazzling’ personality and missed by 3 interviewees.  The last interview I went in head first, arms held out to with best hope to my bare hands.  All 3 were a ‘no’, but I think Santa Claus might have my back…his management gave me a head nod on a separate call, and obviously everyone on the job online board thinks I’d be a fantastic life insurance agent.   It’s like waiting for that cute kid that sits behind you in Chemistry class to finally call you….but instead you get annoying ‘so and so’.  Except that cute kid is a job, and the annoying ‘so and so’ is named Bill.    

The point is, I’ve laughed with the sinners and cried with the saints over this stupid job hunt…and yes, I’m still pursuing my doctorate.  Once in a while I just shoot out in the open field and what to see if I hit anything, while the remainder for the time, I chill out in my camouflage jumper…but it gets a little hot under the collar after too long.   No doubt my ears are perked, I’m ready for the go ahead….maybe I’ll shoot a squirrel if I get hungry enough.

  God is looking out for me, he’ll put it within my reach….I just need to sit quietly and wait.

Witty Wed Motherhood

My Daughter……..The Bag Lady

Written By: Andrea Angileri

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Kids come with stuff….we know this….we deal with this. Car seats, diaper bags, strollers…. lifeline security items. Whether or not they are hopelessly attached to a pacifier, a blanket, a doll, a stuffed animal or any other attachment item, we’ve seen it or have been held hostage to it. If you are not around the child species often, you can imagine the neurotic state you’d be in if someone took away your smartphone or pack of cigarettes and the restoration of peace when they tossed them back to you. I have now made a terrible stereotype that childless people have smart phones and smoke and have great passion about this.

I never really promoted security items, aside from pulling a few ‘plugs’ and yanking at a couple blankies, I just never introduced them to my kids. Pacifiers are great for ‘non-nutritive’ sucking…

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The L.A. Dream

The L.A. Dream

Written by: Andrea Angileri

A couple years back, my husband had a friend offer a quick palm read, which saw us living in the mountains.  We are Midwest folk, born and raised.  My only glances at mountains were from a distance from a hotel in Vegas.  My geography base stinks, so obviously I associate mountains with skiing in Colorado.  So, my compromise predicted fantasy city is L.A….not because I want it, but because the psychic saith so.  This little daydream is only aggravated when my oldest son does very well with his hip hop team during dance competition season.

I walk in the door complaining about the traffic, but my husband and I just look at each other and laugh.  We laugh because we are stinking rich, so the traffic is the least of our worries.  After a year or two of blogging, I was hired on as the head writer of one of the funniest and successful comedies of the decade.  I am the best paid writer in the world…because this is my little fantasy so it can be.  My hours are great, and they allow me to take all of the children to school and pick them up…oh who am I kidding…they are chauffeured everywhere by ‘Luke the Limo driver’.  My husband cracks open a beer and asks, “Remember when I used to deliver and sell this…now I have a whole beer empire.”  I take a quick swig of his beer and say, “Yeah….I remember when it was called ‘Miller’….’Angileri beer’ sure has a  nice ring to it.

My oldest son walks in and tells me about his days on the set of the teeny bop dance show that’s all the craze.

“Would you believe that Selena Gomez doesn’t even like chocolate?” he’d tell me about their little lunch break chat.

“That’s just bananas!” I say, while putting on my ridiculously glamorous sun hat so I can sit by the Olympic-sized pool.  “If you guys ever plan on getting this wedding planned you are going to have to compromise.”

My middle son walks in and tells me about the latest project he’s been working on at ‘Graphic Design’ camp,

“My series on the futuristic portal connecting Minecraft and Super Mario Land is going to be pitched to Pixar next week!”, he exclaims.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” we all say…in unison with in sync smiles…we do a family hug.

My youngest son comes in to join the fun.  His hair has been recently bleached blonde.

“Are you trying a new look?” I say.

“Oh, this…my agent says that ‘Sara Lee’ wanted my hair a little lighter for next week’s commercial”.

It’s been a little over a year since he’s been their youngest and most adorable spokesperson.  What’s even more wonderful is that they’ve found a way to make their products completely out of vegetables, but still tasting like pure sugar.

“Hey, maybe Selena Gomez might like to try that new line of cupcakes…she might like the vegetable chocolate flavor…who knows?”

My daughter walks in last…but certainly not least.

“How’d your meeting go with P.Diddy honey?”

She’d correct me instantly and remind me of what people call him now and then say,

“Wonderful, they are releasing my album next week!”.

My husband and I look at each other and smile and nod.  Her very loud voice has paid off for her…she has learned to use that intense lung capacity to become the next child singing superstar.  She’ll make an adorable diva.  She’s even let me start doing her hair…just kidding…she has ‘Sophia the Stylist’ for all that crap.

“Ah…that friend of yours who took that second to look at your palm and predict this years ago was right,” I say to my husband.

“You are as beautiful as ever…and  you look like you are 21,” says my husband.

THE   END

Witty Wed Motherhood

1.  Going to the MoviesImage

2. Kids with balloons at the dining room table on New Year’sImage

3.  Christmas Morning

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4.  Kids hanging on the shopping cart….just kidding…but I will miss looking at faces in the cart like this….shopping Tony

5.  Making cakes with the kids.

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6.  Finding things like this in the refrigerator…

or this….

milk

7.  Being pushed outside my comfort zone by being out in the cold and bruising my tailbone doing things like this….

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8.  Going to the Park

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9.  Thinking feet are cute.

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10. Reading things like this…

Joey's 100th Day

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The Angileri Hunger Games

 1.  Let’s see how many groceries we can eat while Mom and Dad try to put the supply away.

  2.  A box of 200 freeze pops?  Rainbow colored self control issues for weeks.

  3.  A 2 pack box of Lucky Charms?  Silly Mommy…at least Trix doesn’t have marshmallows and gets completely eaten.

  4.  After the kids go to sleep mom trades her glass of wine in for ice cream or the ‘good’ cookies.

  5.  Let’s play ‘Which food group gets left behind?”…vegetables WIN..AGAIN!

  6.  How many ingredients on this label can we pronounce?  Now let’s count.

  7.  Hiding things in the fridge/ cabinet so nobody else finds and eats it….has been known to go grossly ‘out of bounds’. Which leads to game #8

  8.  The food ended up where?…in what room?  

  9.  What can I make without mom’s help?  What can mom even make?

10.  How many days can we avoid the store? and it’s inevitable sequel ‘How much money can we spend at the store?’

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You Know You Have a Few Kids If..

 

You Know You Have a Few Kids if…

1. You’ve ever asked yourself “Is this chocolate or poop?”….diehards lick to check.

2. You’ve said, ‘No…I don’t think it’s a booger’.

3. You say one child’s name and they all turned because they know how often you screw up their names.

4. No one comes to your house and ‘wonders’ if you have kids.

5. You’re thinking of inviting your pediatrician to the next family function…but not clear if it’s for safety measures or because you see him as often as your family.

6. You realize that your youngest child needs to ‘get out a little more’

7. ‘Tax return day’ is right up there with Christmas as your favorite holiday.

8. You wonder what teachers will think when they ‘get a load of this one’

9. You’ve ever had a ‘Dora vs. Oprah’ match

10. White socks with gray bottoms are a staple in your house.

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Am I A.D.D. or Is it the Kids? Part 1

Am I Just A.D.D. or Is it the Kids? Part One
Written by: Andrea Angileri

This is a question that I ask myself from time to time, ‘Am I Just A.D.D. or Is it the Kids?’, maybe you’ve asked yourself the same ?. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a topic that I’ve had much interest in for various reasons. First for myself, secondly for my children, and thirdly for many of the people that I encounter in my life. My form tends to be the A.D.D. end, think Claire Danes playing Angela Chase in ‘My So-Called Life’. This form contrasts with the Ty Pennington type, which is much more hyperactive and ambitious. In my own defense, I consider myself plenty ambitious, I have four children, and just as many jobs, I am also completing my Ed.S online.

Teaching. Here is a typical discussion of me teaching. “Today we are going to learn how to ride a bike. First, you put on a helmet. Second, you balance yourself on the bike.”
(Hand raises) “How do you balance?”
Me, “Well you kind of move your body in the middle ….you know that’s a good question, “How do you balance…I mean how do you really ever keep yourself in balance in life? Ha”
“Back to lesson …Thirdly, You put one foot on the pedal and….hey have you ever noticed how some people just ride their bikes obliviously to the traffic? I mean really…just move OVER. I haven’t rode a bike in years. What do you all think about the whole Lance Armstrong thing anyways?”
Yes, I do go off in tangents when I teach. To my defense, my students enable me sometimes and in addition, I don’t really teach bicycle skills (thank God). I learn to play on the strengths of A.D.D. and use my creativity and spontaneity, sometimes to my benefit.
Is it the Kids? Kids make you FEEL like you have A.D.D. You are constantly multi-tasking. Turn the stovetop on to boil water, someone cries, “Is there blood?” you ask, you check, you get an ice pack, the phone rings, oh..there’s the mailman, “Is the check in the mail?”. Oh…that’s right the pot has boiled over with water. You really shouldn’t be allowed to raise children.
I will go on and on with this particular topic, as people with ADD/ADHD will do with things that interest them. However, let me point out something for others who are struggling with this area. Who were you BEFORE you had kids? Were you the bad teen driver? Did you do flighty things that your high school friends can attest to? Was your room a mess? Did you ‘keep busy’? Did you get kicked out of slumber parties because you talked too much? (kidding, maybe it was just school) If you can pinpoint these things to before you had kids than it is worth investigating. Eat right, exercise, get rest (ha ha), but all said to help. Use your strengths, make lists, use technology to assist you (be careful for addiction), read up on it, keep posted here for more!

Witty Wed Motherhood

FreeLance Armstrong

Written by : Andrea Angileri

I’d like to apologize in advance to all of my cyclist friends.

Recently, Lance Armstrong was exposed as blood doping….it was somewhat less entertaining than the fake Te’o incident…really rather low on the totem pole of things I could care less about as it had something to do with sports.   All I knew about Lance Armstrong was that he rides bikes…fast, he dated Sheryl Crow, and he unfortunately, has one ball…that’s all I really needed to know.  But now, I know that he used ‘performance enhancement ‘ drugs…..and people are pissed.

Am I the only one who doesn’t care that much about steroid use in athletes?  Am I ‘cheating’ because I drink coffee?  Here’s what my interview with Oprah would look like:

Oprah: “So..Andrea…do you admit to using ‘performance enhancement’ drugs?

Me: “Yes….I drink coffee.”

Oprah:  “How often do you use ‘coffee’ and…

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Wiggles Say What?!

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Written by: Andrea Angileri

 

 

 

                Resurrecting our VCR player has led to revisiting various videos of ‘vintage’ movies and cartoons.  I’ve been slowly integrating the Disney movies into my daughter’s repertoire of entertainment.  Since my daughter loves movies with music, tonight I decided to put in a 2000 tape of ‘The Wiggles’.  Ah…The Wiggles.  Who knew that I’d be spending the majority of my late 20’s questioning which ‘Wiggle’ is more attractive.  Hey…you dads have Sprout’s Goodnight Girl…we needed somebody as well.  This video was pre-Gray, pre-Sam, back when Greg Wiggle needed the other colors, and when all The Wiggles needed a haircut and a higher video making budget. 

 

My oldest son liked the Wiggles.  I have footage of my 12 year old (1 year old at the time, dancing in a tank and diaper to ‘Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack..Cock-a-Doodle Do’, his chunky arms flapping while raising his little bare foot in the air.   We even took him to see them Live! In Concert!  Playing the video tonight with my daughter, I can easily ease into ‘Oh Me Oh My He Barks All Day and Night’, because I know these songs by heart like any song on the radio from the 80’s.   I sing every song with an Australian accent because it’s more fun that way.  Between listening to ‘The Help’ audiotape, which makes me call my daughter ‘Mae Mobley’ in a Southern accent and singing Australian Wiggle tunes I’m further confusing my daughter’s language development. 

 

I really don’t watch the new Wiggles.  I stopped watching somewhere around ‘Wiggly Waffle’.  I suppose my middle son was more into ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ and my last son was more into me making him food.    Whether you prefer Greg Wiggle over Sam Wiggle would be like asking whether or not you like Sammy Hagar or David Lee Roth better as lead singer of ‘Van Halen’. 

 

I’ll end this post with a simple but sincere question…”Can you point your fingers…and do the twist?”